u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina just clenched in fear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
