glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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