shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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