I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
