can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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