I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
