She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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