Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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