whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
