Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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