i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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