chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
