is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
even my farts smell like vagina
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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