can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
