Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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