Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
