You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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