Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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