I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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