she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
