You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
