They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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