can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
