wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.