i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?