do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
