Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
