tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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