...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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