cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
