WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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