My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize