3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
