At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
