playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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