sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
