i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
