hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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