2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cannot find my penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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