it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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