Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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