the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
