the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
