Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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