My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
