Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
