if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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