Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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