Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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