me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
