we have pet lesbian snakes
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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