david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
