Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
