last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
