The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
