I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
