The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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