I seem to have left my pride at pride
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
