i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
