lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
