that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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