I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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