I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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