I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
