she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
