dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
