So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
