I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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