i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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