Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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