so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
