Life is so much better after having sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
