ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
