I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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