people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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