Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
