Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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