My sheets look like a crime scene.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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