Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
