My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She bit a glass in half.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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