Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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