My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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