she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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