Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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