I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
