hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
